Moroni's Review of "Snow White and the Huntsman"

Occasionally, I will pick up a DVD at a movie rental (remember movie rentals?), look at the case, and think, "Oh, this looks good."

Then I will take it home, pop it in, and realize, "Hey, I saw this in the theater!  How is it that I didn't remember?"

Some movies are just that forgettable.  That's the way that "Snow White and the Huntsman" was.  I let my blog slide a little bit.  In the interim, I had gone to see three movies, and - for the life of me - I could not remember what one of them was.  It took a while to remember.  That's how forgettable this movie was.  It made little impact on me.

This adaptation of the old fairy tale had some awesome visual effects.  But this is one of those movies where you realize that special effects are not enough to redeem a movie.  They did have some awesome creatures, though.  And I think some of my younger kids would have liked this movie.

It is unfortunate that they selected Kristen Stewart for the role of Snow White.  She annoys me to no end.  Couldn't they have picked someone more.... Snow Whitey?  The delivery of her performance was such that I expected her to be wearing a John Deere baseball cap along with her armor.

Chris Hemsworth did an okay job as the huntsman sent to kill her, but then he takes pity on her and becomes her protector of sorts.  His thick Scottish accent was a bit over-the-top.  Why is it that Scottish accents are so prevalent in these types of movies?  Must every character sound like Shrek?  ("Donkey!")  And if I hear my wives gush about how good-looking he is one more time, I am going to puke.  Just saying.

The best performance of the movie was Charlize Theron as the wicked Queen Ravenna.  She was coldly beautiful and added a grace and an elegance to the movie that was chilling.

Halfway through the movie, I whispered to my wives, "So we are watching a Snow White movie with no dwarves?"

Don't worry.  There are dwarves.  And it took me a minute to realize that they were all actually famous actors with their faces superimposed on the bodies of little people - Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Brian Gleeson, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost.  I even read on Wikipedia (while I was still in the movie) that there were some Little People advocacy groups that protested that fact.  That is awesome.

There is a love triangle between Snow White, the rugged Huntsman, and her childhood friend, William, who had given her up for dead.  In case you are waiting for that subplot to resolve itself, if the romantic in you wants to see which man Snow White will pick, don't fret too much.  She never does pick.

But that's okay.  Just like my anesthesiologist told me before my colonoscopy last week - you won't remember a thing.