Steampunk Fast & Furious: My Review of "Mad Max: Fury Road"

Tom Hardy & Charlize Theron in "Mad:Max: Fury Road

The title of this review is perhaps the most accurate description of this movie - funky steampunk costumes (or perhaps apocalyptic cyberpunk, to be more exact) all during a fast and furious car chase that lasts the whole movie long!

When I was thirteen, one of the best things about having cable TV was being able to watch "The Road Warrior" over and over again.  This dystopian vision by George Miller and starring Mel Gibson became part of my repertoire growing up along with "Conan the Barbarian", "Beastmaster", and "Krull".  At fifteen, I felt let down by "Beyond Thunderdome", as it lacked the pace of the previous two films.

So you'll imagine my surprise when I saw the trailers for "Mad Max: Fury Road" and learned that George Miller would be taking helm of the fourth installment of the franchise.  The previews were amazing, vivid, the action spectacular.  This is what "Road Warrior" would have looked like if Miller had the technology back then.

The story is never clear on whether this is sequel to the other stories, or if it is just a reboot of the whole concept.  It starts with Max (Tom Hardy as an excellent replacement for Mel Gibson) being captured by a group called the War Boys and being taken to a mighty, stone Citadel ruled by a bloated villain named Imortan Joe (played by Hugh Keays-Byrne, who played the villain in the very first "Mad Max" film).  Joe is some sort of Halloween Warren Jeffs, in that he has super-model wives known at the Five.  As a former polygamist, I had to laugh at the plot, which reads like Carolyn Jessop book.  Charlize Theron plays a tough-as-nails truck driver named Furiosa who spirits the girls away in a chase across the wasteland, aided by Max, a group of old ladies, and a young boy played by the nearly unrecognizable Nicolas Hoult, whom some may remember from "Warm Bodies".  They are chased by the denizens of the desert at high speed velocity.

I suppose I could use this movie as a chance to pontificate on the ills of human trafficking, or even about polygamy.  But this is just not that kind of movie.  This movie is like the most expensive B-movie ever made.  If you try to think too hard about it, you'll hurt your brain.  Like, where do they get car parts?  Or speakers?  Or their outlandish clothing?  No, just go with it.  There is definitely a cheese factor - like the guy perpetually mounted in front of a truck, violently strumming a flaming guitar.  But the other movies were slightly cheesy as well.  I felt like a thirteen year-old boy again.  It was an intense ride from start to finish - like a Monster Truck Rally, like demolition derby meets WWF Wrestling.  The dialogue is sparse and stilted.  The best interaction between the actors is found in shared looks.  All in all, the movie will wow you.  Visually, the film is sweeping and panoramic.  The stunts are brutal and crushingly breathtaking.  I sat on the edge of my seat the whole time.

This movie is definitely worth it, if it is your type of "thing".  I foresee this film becoming a cult classic - just like the originals.  And there are talks of Max returning in a sequel.  I can't wait for the next wild ride...

Moroni's Review of "Snow White and the Huntsman"

Occasionally, I will pick up a DVD at a movie rental (remember movie rentals?), look at the case, and think, "Oh, this looks good."

Then I will take it home, pop it in, and realize, "Hey, I saw this in the theater!  How is it that I didn't remember?"

Some movies are just that forgettable.  That's the way that "Snow White and the Huntsman" was.  I let my blog slide a little bit.  In the interim, I had gone to see three movies, and - for the life of me - I could not remember what one of them was.  It took a while to remember.  That's how forgettable this movie was.  It made little impact on me.

This adaptation of the old fairy tale had some awesome visual effects.  But this is one of those movies where you realize that special effects are not enough to redeem a movie.  They did have some awesome creatures, though.  And I think some of my younger kids would have liked this movie.

It is unfortunate that they selected Kristen Stewart for the role of Snow White.  She annoys me to no end.  Couldn't they have picked someone more.... Snow Whitey?  The delivery of her performance was such that I expected her to be wearing a John Deere baseball cap along with her armor.

Chris Hemsworth did an okay job as the huntsman sent to kill her, but then he takes pity on her and becomes her protector of sorts.  His thick Scottish accent was a bit over-the-top.  Why is it that Scottish accents are so prevalent in these types of movies?  Must every character sound like Shrek?  ("Donkey!")  And if I hear my wives gush about how good-looking he is one more time, I am going to puke.  Just saying.

The best performance of the movie was Charlize Theron as the wicked Queen Ravenna.  She was coldly beautiful and added a grace and an elegance to the movie that was chilling.

Halfway through the movie, I whispered to my wives, "So we are watching a Snow White movie with no dwarves?"

Don't worry.  There are dwarves.  And it took me a minute to realize that they were all actually famous actors with their faces superimposed on the bodies of little people - Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Brian Gleeson, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost.  I even read on Wikipedia (while I was still in the movie) that there were some Little People advocacy groups that protested that fact.  That is awesome.

There is a love triangle between Snow White, the rugged Huntsman, and her childhood friend, William, who had given her up for dead.  In case you are waiting for that subplot to resolve itself, if the romantic in you wants to see which man Snow White will pick, don't fret too much.  She never does pick.

But that's okay.  Just like my anesthesiologist told me before my colonoscopy last week - you won't remember a thing.