I Predict An Earthquake: Review of "San Andreas"

Dwayne Johnson in "San Andreas"

I have a theory about disaster movies.  To make them visually poignant to the viewer, they must destroy well-known landmarks.  In the early summer film, "San Andreas", we get to see the Hoover Dam burst, and most of Los Angeles - including the Hollywood sign - get ripped asunder along with most of San Francisco with, you got it, the Golden Gate Bridge.  The disaster doesn't seem real if it's a Save-On in some podunk town.  It has to be something that you recognize - even if you have never been there.

"San Andreas" follows other disaster movie formulae.  There is the scientist (Paul Giamatti) who predicts a catastrophe - in this case, a major event along California's San Andreas Fault.  No one listens to him until it is too late, and then his dire predictions become vindicated.  There is a hero, in this case being "Ray", a rescue helicopter pilot, played by the gibbous Dwayne Johnson.  The hero has a broken family - an estranged wife (Carla Gugino) who is engaged to a rich tycoon (Ioan Gruffudd) and a disillusioned child (Alexandra Daddario, whom I had just seen in some steamy scenes in "True Detective" whose memory proved distracting).  Somehow, this disaster is going to bring them all together as Ray and his wife race from Los Angeles to San Francisco in the midst of a devastating series of earthquakes and tsunamis to rescue their daughter.

So there you have it.  This movie is predictable as all get out.  That doesn't mean it's not a fun ride.  Visually, it's pretty awesome.  It will have you sitting at the edge of your proverbial seat.  It's like an amusement park roller coaster.  Sadly, it's just as cerebral.  This is not a thinking man's movie.

I guarantee you that, someday, I will own this movie.  As soon as it hits the Walmart $5 bin.